TIL that "today" is probably not in the list of the 500 most used words, but "never" is. That we use "study" more than "eat" or "talk" or even "sleep". We "plan" more than we "develop", and are at "long" more often than on "short". 

So, "We never plan to study or talk long." is a very reasonable sentence, but "Today?Absolutely unlikely, almost incredible." isn't.
I would say it was another of those long rants, except in that it isn't.

Why today? Because xkcd is something that makes you stranger, if it doesn't kill you first!